• Gareth Crook

Frozen (2010)

This gets a bit of a panning in some reviews, but I like it. Now don’t mistake it for its namesake, there’s no songs here. No moral lessons about embracing dreams and being yourself. People go skiing, things go wrong, it’s cold. It’s not clever. Dan, his girlfriend Parker and his mate Joe have a day out on the slopes. Joe doesn’t really like Parker. They don’t have all the money for lift passes, so blag on, meaning there’s no record of them. Uh oh. Our three leads are American college kids, so we get the obligatory montage of having fun in the powder, skiing and snowboarding, whilst a soundtrack of skate punk cranks out. Joe fancies one last run before they leave, but slope is closing. With a bit more sweet talking, they get back on the ski-lift one last time. It’s closing time though, people are clocking off, the guy who lets them on passes the message on that there’s 3 skiers on the lift to his buddy as he rushes off to the office. The message gets lost, the lift switched off and Dan, Parker and Joe are left swinging in the dark... and cold. They don’t panic to begin. Then the lights go out. Then they realise that it’s Sunday and the resort doesn’t open again until Friday. Oh did I mention the resort was closing because a storm was closing in? Yep bring on the driving wind and snow, as they get battered in the darkness. Parker’s not handling it well, chain smoking. Taking her glove off to do so and dropping it. That’s gonna be a problem. The frost is forming on eyebrows, icicles off the lift as they realise they’ve been forgotten. They know they won’t survive a week, they might not survive the night. Seeing Parker has frostbite on her face, Dan decides to try and jump. I’m crap at estimating heights, but let’s say they’re a bloody long way up, it’s not a great idea. Dan is not the sharpest tool in the box, none of them are frankly. Now I’ve seen this before, so struggle to watch this next bit as Dan hits the snow, breaks both his legs and winds up sat on the deck with bones sticking out and legs bent in directions that shouldn’t bend. The gore effects are a bit rubbish, but let it go. Then the wolves show up, they smell food, Dan shaped food. The sound work is a lot of fun, really over the top squelchy horror stuff. Dan is buggered. They’re all buggered though really, frostbitten faces, Joe’s cut his hands foolishly trying to climb across the cable. The blame game begins. It’s pure disaster spectacle. We don’t really care much about the characters, they’re too dumb, pretty shallow and Joe in particular is a bit of a dick. I like the simplicity of stuff like this though. I can imagine this being done in a really dark European style. Less whiney characters, better effects, more visceral. Taking nothing away from this though, it’s fun. Dawn breaks. Still no one there to help. Dan’s still in bits on the floor. Parker and Joe have dozed off. Parker with her ungloved hand holding the metal rail. This is gonna hurt. After some gross, skin peeling. Parker and Joe have a day of heart to heart. It doesn’t work very well, neither character is strong enough to carry it. The premise though is hope, thoughts of getting home. Building resilience for Joes next attempt rope climbing across the hand grating cable as the wolves circle. They smell more stupid college kids. Whad’ya know though, he makes it past the next car and on to one of the support poles with a ladder. Fending off the wolves with a ski pole Joe heads for help. He better hurry up though, all this swinging on the cable has loosened the car with Parker in. He doesn’t come back though and Parker has to fend for herself. I bet this read a lot better on the page, but it’s not a bad film. I don’t think it deserves a higher rating and having now seen it twice, that’s more than enough. It’s a guilty pleasure at best, a bit like it’s namesake.


6/10




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