Pretty Woman gets an update. I’m joking, that’s unfairly reductive. Ridiculously so in fact. Ani (Mikey Madison) works in a New York strip club, Brooklyn to be precise. Lots of old men acting desperately around young girls. Sorry if that sounds judgemental. Anyway it’s fair to say that Ani knows what she’s doing and can look after herself. Although in a vulnerable situation, she’s in control and very much so when she meets Ivan (Mark Eydelshteyn), a young Russian bucking the clientele trend. He doesn’t seem that smart. He doesn’t need to be. He’s a rich kid. His dad’s a Russian oligarch. Cue Ani being introduced to a decadent world of carefree partying as Ivan invites her to stay at his mansion to hang out for a week as his girlfriend, for a price of course. Honestly it’s all a bit tasteless. Ivan is a spoilt brat and instantly dislikable. Ani doesn’t think so though. Private jets, drugs, sex… Vegas. What do people do in Vegas aside gamble… they get married. It’s all smiles to a “bangin’” score, oddly heavy on Take That remixes. That is until Ivan’s family find out. Ani thought they knew, that Ivan had told them, but he’s not told them, because he knows it won’t go down well. There’s a lot of shouting as the marriage comes to light and Toros (Karren Karagulian), who’s supposed to be keeping an eye on Ivan for his parents back in Russia catches up with the couple. Well with Ani, not Ivan who cowardly runs away leaving Ani to fend for herself. It’s all a bit dark, but entertaining all the same and even funny, even when Ani is taking on two henchmen single handily in her underwear. After chasing around New York looking for Ivan, dragging Ani along, the Russians find out they’ve underestimated the bride. It’s all quite disarming. Fast paced chaos, is followed by predictable carnage, resulting in melancholic acceptance. Madison has a lot to convey and she does it well as we realise her character isn’t in as much control as we thought or hoped. Its quite a ride and perfectly suited in a cynical 2024. I doubt Pretty Woman audiences would’ve warmed to this in the 90s, but perhaps what is timeless, is in all the utter unhinged maelstrom, we should all aspire to be like Igor (Yura Borisov). As the only real likeable character, he’s the real hero.
7/10
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